Baring it All

© Krista Stryker 2011

There's something incredibly scary about sharing yourself with others.

I'm certainly not immune to this fear.  Anyone who knows me will say I'm a pretty reserved person, and have been since I was a little kid.  I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but something early on in my childhood taught me that my personal life wasn't of interest to others.  So I kept quiet.  

This introverted nature has, in my mind, cost me a lot over the years - friendships, relationships, probably jobs.  Growing up, I was always aware that my shyness was possibly holding me back, but I didn't know how to change it.  It was just who I was.

Recently, I came to the revelation that I am not an inherently 'bad' person and that I do have something worthwhile to say (more on this in an upcoming post).  This, as ridiculous as it may sound, opened up a whole new world for me.  As a lifelong shy person, it meant that I could finally start to be myself and share that person - all the good and bad parts - with the world.

Now, this being a recent discovery, it's more talk than action at this point, although I did force myself to face my fears and attend a social event by myself the other day (scary!).  Saying it out loud (or in words) still feels foreign and unnatural and I impulsively want to retreat back to my old, hermit-like self.  And although I have no qualms about anonymous readers finding this out about me - I most likely don't know you personally, after all, or ever will - it scares the shit out of me that someone I actually know could be reading what I have to say.

And, with that being said, here are a few quirks about me (full disclosure):

• I eat popcorn like a lizard (this is highly embarrassing to my husband)
• I will do anything for food, including work out for three hours a day
• I am obsessed with fantasy worlds and wish I would wake up one day in a Harry Potter book
• As a kid I used to think that everyone could read my mind so I would try as hard as I could not to think about bad things 
• I am scared shitless of staying in one place for too long (the reason why I move every year or so)
• I wish I hadn't tried so hard to be 'good' growing up and actually gotten into some trouble as a kid
• I am a complete bitch when I don't get enough food (see how much of this is centered around food?)
• I will never go into a store if there is no one else in there out of fear someone will notice me, or worse, talk to me
• I am still bitter that I wasn't born a man 
• I will not answer the phone if you call me after 9pm
• I have always wanted to be a crazy mathematician/scientist
• I much prefer animals to humans

And the list goes on.

Do you find it difficult to share yourself with others or can you talk about yourself all day long?


Note: The above photo of me was taken while in the Harry Potter exhibit at Disney World - needless to say, I was thoroughly enjoying myself.